Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: child-rearing, children, family, fulfillment, homemaker, mothering, parenting, stay at home mom, teaching, working moms
This past week I felt my first small twinges of sadness in not getting to set up a classroom this year. As my friends begin to talk about their plans for the year, arranging and decorating their rooms, and getting their new class lists, I can’t help but feel something I can best describe as a full body sigh. I’m a teacher…it’s in my blood, and always will be. I’ve always said that I couldn’t imagine doing anything else with my life…until now.
Yes, I’m a teacher, but more importantly, I’m a mother. We’ve made the choice as a family for me to stay at home with our children until the last one (TBD) is in kindergarten. This gives me a 5-10 year hiatus from my own classroom, and yes, a part of me will be unfulfilled for those years, and a piece of my life will be missing. All that said, as I sit here with my son next to me, and my daughter playing happily a few feet away, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am making the right decision.
Does everyone agree with me? Nope. Its actually amazing how some people’s opinion of you changes almost instantaneously when they hear that you are a stay at home mom. You can see their eyes glaze over and the thought process of, “Oh Lord, please don’t start talking about your children,” going through their head. I could do without those people. Almost always, these people are women without children, or women who have chosen to work (which I’m not saying is wrong.) Recently, I had someone say to me (about another person) “She’s probably so crazy because she’s stuck at home with her kids all day.” I just kept my mouth shut, and wanted to say, “Um, did you forget who you were talking to?!” Not everyone will understand. Not everyone will give you the, “good for you,” or the “that’s really the best thing.” (Although those people are awesome!) The bottom line is…it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. You have to do what is right for YOU and YOUR KIDS.
Will I miss teaching? You bet. Do I love planning lesson, designing thematic units, and developing relationships with my students? Absolutely. But…do I love my time with my kids MORE? No doubt about it. Whenever I start to feel slightly jealous of my teacher friends, I look at my children. Hannah, now 28 months, has grown so fast…and has changed so much in just a matter of months. I can’t believe she was ever as little as my young son Henry (3 1/2 months). I can’t imagine missing their childhood, and wouldn’t want to. I need to be here. The classroom is a wonderful place to be. You make a difference. You teach children to read. You introduce children to literature. I yearn for the day I will yet again have my own classroom, and am compiling lesson plan ideas almost daily. However…today I chased butterflies. I made countless pots of imaginary coffee (and even fed it to a red penguin), made a baby laugh, read stories to a two year old, and you know what? I think I made a difference in the lives of my kids…and all in all, thats not a bad day.
I’m really starting to like my new “job.” (And yes, people who have never done it..It is most definitely a full-time job, and probably one of the hardest jobs imaginable.) I will ignore the nay-sayers, and embrace the choice that works for me…I will trade in my students for my children. And give up teaching? There are teachable moments every single day. I am still a teacher….maybe the most important kind.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: burdens, Christianity, christians, Faith, God, hardship, tough times, trust
God often gives us a “truck-load” of burdens, and things we must carry as we travel through life. These burdens and weights we must carry are often necessary to our existence and survival…things we are unable to drop. Often we don’t receive help, and the load can be heavy. However, as we move on, though often slowly and with pain, we slowly make progress…our “truck” keeps moving. We do what we have to do…going on even when it seems to hard, and that our weary bodies can’t move another inch. We must keep moving, knowing that the pain we are bearing now will lead to something else…something for our good. It is in these times that we must remember that ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. What seems unbearable in the moment is often a blessing in disguise…something we might not be able to see or understand, unless we are willing to assume God’s perspective and dare to look at our lives in an unconventional way. We CAN make it. Nothing we are given is beyond what we are capable of bearing. He may bend us, but He will not break us. We have to remember that if God is behind it, it is worth it. He heaps on us things that may be difficult, but which can also build our strength, determination, and faith in Him and His perfect plan. We must press on, forgetting what is behind, laying hold of the goal which is ahead…God is God, and we are not. We won’t always understand, and sometimes it might take us years to be able to look back and say, “Ohhh, that’s why that happened.” But we can’t allow our fears, doubts, and sinful perspective to prevent us from carrying on. We have to remember that our troubles are light and momentary, and that Christ carried the ultimate load..all of our sin…He allowed us the chance to trust Him…the ultimate privilege..the ultimate reward…We MUST be faithful. He will protect us, and lead us to the place He has for us. Keep going….
Filed under: Christianity, Faith, Jesus, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: authentic living, Christianity, christians, complacency, Faith, Jesus
“What I believe is NOT what I SAY I believe. What I believe is what I DO. ” ~ Donald Miller
Christians have a tendency to ride the Jesus couch…lounging in their own comfortable bubble of isms, mantras, and other media-ized “spiritual” propaganda. We’re purpose driven-coming back to the heart of worship-opening the eyes of our hearts- prayer “mmhmming”-“Jesus has a plan” Christians. We’re great actors really….It truly is amazing how much we can pull off..The question is, “who are we fooling?” The only answer that matters is, “not God.”
Is this the life we want? Do we want to fake our way through the only relationship that truly matters? Is it enough for us to profess and not act? We can close our eyes during the songs all we want, take as many sermon notes as possible, and even skim our Bibles every single day, and NEVER truly know the God we claim to love. Imagine if we treated our spouse, our children, or our family the way we treat our relationship with Jesus? Imagine if we only spoke to them once a week…on Sundays? What if we chose not to listen to 90% of the things they said to us? What if we took for granted all of the things they did for us? Would the relationship last?
We get busy. We get tired. But building and developing our relationship with Jesus is not what we need to take a break from….its the vacation. But, we don’t care. We know all the right answers. Most of us can look to a time when we were right with God and remember the way we felt..we remember the fire…we remember what it was like to rely on Him…to trust Him…to really and truly LOVE him.
So why are we still on the Jesus couch? Why are we sleeping through this life? It may be comfortable…its certainly easier. Any relationship takes work, and the Jesus couch often looks more inviting, more entertaining….The thing is, He won’t give up…Even when we refuse to even glance His way…when we talk about Him one way and behave another…..when we refuse to pay any attention to Him…The question is, how far do you want God to go to get YOUR attention?
Its time to get off the Jesus couch.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: couples, family, fellowship, friends, friendships, Life, marriage, outgoing, relationships, shy
Every so often as we sit and watch “Friends” reruns, I can’t help but feel envious. Granted, I’m envious of fictitious people in a scripted environment, but the basis of my envy remains. There are six people who each have five other people that will be there for them no matter what. Five people who they can depend on, laugh with, cry with, build memories with…five best friends.
Developing close relationships becomes more difficult as you grow older. You have the most intimate relationship possible, and at least for us, can grow to be content with that one relationship. However, God made us relational…We are hard-wired for relationships..plural. Its hard…When we were younger, work didn’t get in the way…we certainly didn’t take it home with us…We didn’t have kids to play with, tuck in by a certain time of night, or cart around anywhere…We weren’t as stressed, as tired, or in truth, as in need of these relationships as we are now…They happened naturally.
Having a “best” friend is something I haven’t felt like I’ve had since graduating college. (David, my husband, is of course my BEST friend, but the husband/wife relationship doesn’t really count.) There have been and are, people that I’ve felt closer to than others, and would give titles such as, “my best friend from work,” or “my best friend from my old church,” etc. However, I’ve never been certain that any of these people felt the same way. I wonder if any of them have felt the way I do..wondering if someone considers them their best friend? Do we tell the people closest to us that they matter, or are we too afraid of rejection, or that awkard, “umm thanks,” we might get if we open up and make ourselves vulnerable.
My Dad once told me about how he would sit on a rock in the schoolyard and wait for kids to come and play with him. He said he never made any friends that way. David and I learned a similar lesson at our old church. We waited around for a year or two for people to come to us…for people to invite us over…We were sitting on a rock. We eventually got off the rock and made a lot of effort….We would seek out young couples in church and invite them over. We made our best friends by dropping a note in their lap in the middle of service. (literally.) We even started up a young couples fellowship group. However, we then found ourselves on the opposite side of the spectrum. We were the ones making ALL of the effort. Sure, we had friends…but, if we wanted to see any of them, we ALWAYS had to be the ones to ask them over….There needs to be a balance. We need to re-claim the type of give and take friendships that were so easy to make and keep when we were in school.
The question is how do we do that? How do you overcome the obstacles that stand in the way? How do you maintain a close relationship with people who are just as caught up in life’s “busy-ness” as you are? How do you open yourself up and be vulnerable enough with someone to truly get to know them, and more importantly, and even harder, let them get to know YOU. The real you. How do we do that?
All I know is that I’m going to try to find out…I’m going to try. I won’t be a rock-sitter, although the proverbial “rock” is often a much more “comfortable” place to be. However, I refuse to be the sole giver in a relationship as well. I will strive to find balanced and authentic relationships. I’ll let you know if I figure out how to do this…
Filed under: introspection, Life, marriage, mothering, stay at home mom | Tags: advice, confidence, family, kids, Life, mom, motherhood, parenting, validation, worship pastor
As a new stay-at-home mother of two, I have found that one of the things I most desire is validation…Yep..not help with diaper changes, not a barrage of meals from family and friends, not even a nap…What I want most is someone else to say, “Yes! I understand what you’re going through!” and, “Don’t worry, I feel that way too.” or “You’re not the only one.” and “My child also…fill in the blank.”
So many people are quick to offer “advice”, and so-called “encouragement” to mothers..Why anyone feels compelled or in the right to do so baffles me…Would you walk up to a mechanic and give him tips on engine maintenance? Would you tell the cashier at the grocery store a better way to bag the groceries? Of course not…you don’t tell people how to do their jobs, or feel the need to shower them with cliches and pithy advice. However, people seem quick to forget that a stay at home mom is a full-time job, and perhaps one of the hardest jobs a person can undertake.
I think though at times a mother, especially a new one can end up feeling isolated and completely invalidated by these “well-meaning” comments. One of the things I remember ladies (especially older “churchy” ladies) telling me is that, “Being a mom is such a blessing.” or “Your children are the greatest and most precious thing imaginable,” and other such saccharine pith. Don’t get me wrong..both of those statements are absolutely true..without a doubt. My children are a blessing, and are two of the best things to ever happen to me..However, when that is ALL people tell you, you can sure end up feeling like a louse for ever feeling tired, stressed, or..gasp..like you need a break from your kids..Good heavens, did someone just say that??
With all of the “mother-hens” breathing down our necks, and all of the pressure to be super-mom, we can feel as though we are in the wrong for being aggravated that you have to get up at 3 in the morning, or like the worst mom ever for just not wanting to play Play-dough right now, or feeling really selfish because all you really want is just five minutes of quiet. Its okay to feel like that…You’re not a bad mom for craving balance…for being human…
So don’t allow yourself to give in to the negative thoughts that are eating away at you…Don’t let other people’s words take away your confidence as a mother. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IT IS OKAY. We’re great mothers…we do the best we can for our kids every single day…but, we’re human, and that’s okay too.